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Dec 012018

Ok, who out there really knows how to tell your lover what you want?  How you want to be touched, what you want to feel?  If you’ve got that down, by all means move on to the next subject.  But, if you’ve ever been shy or felt uncomfortable talking about what feels good, then this is for you.

There’s a bit of a stigma around talking dirty.  Around sexuality itself, for that matter.  And then we wonder why we aren’t satisfied.  Well, the good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way.  We don’t have to lock away our desires and hide them from our lover.  We can actually open up and talk about what turns us on.  And, if you’ve been a little shy, no worries.  There’s no time like the present.

Sometimes we keep quiet because we’re afraid of being judged.  Maybe we’ve been taught to judge ourselves.  To think it’s not right for us to want to be pleased and tell our lover what that looks like, what we imagine it might.  The truth of the matter is that sometimes we learn the wrong lessons, and that’s one of them.  It’s not wrong to talk about our desires.  In fact, it couldn’t be more right.

How do you feel when your lover tells you what they like?  Does it get you excited?  Bring in a little tingle, a bit of warmth in your belly and deeper?  It’s juicy and enticing to have a lover tell us what really gets them going.  And our lover feels the same way about hearing it from us.  Man or woman, it doesn’t matter.  Touch me here, slide your tongue along me like that, let me feel you in this position…  This is hot!  It’s a way to unapologetically embrace our desires and invite a depth of passion.

And you don’t have to wait for things to get hot and heavy first.  You may want to practice in those sexy moments, getting closer and sharing a kiss or a nuzzle.  Whisper a little desire in your lover’s ear.  Share about a sensual experience you’d like to have.  Talk about what revs your engine, and see how your lover responds.  You might get a bit of surprise, but I can guarantee it won’t be disappointment.  In fact, this can be the key to bringing your connection to a juicier, more exquisite level than you’ve ever felt before.  Try it once, and you’ll find that you want to talk about those sexy little thoughts again the next time.  This is a way to drive your lover wild before you even reach the bedroom.

So, have a think about it.  What do you want?  Sensual massage?  A little bit of bondage?  How can you share your desires to inspire passion and delicious connection?  Maybe challenge yourself to say it in the moment, when it really counts.  Let yourself talk a bit dirty, and see what happens.  There’s no way you’ll want to get shy again after your lover shows you what it means to them to hear you.

Wishing you some deliciously naughty moments in this holiday season,


Nov 032018

This is a really beautiful question.  It’s a term that you hear tossed around more these days, especially around sex.  And, you know that tantra is a big part of my own services, Tantra Massage and Sensual Massage. But, what is it?

Really, tantra is about all life.  Sex is the metaphor for learning presence, true embodiment, and full aliveness.  Tantra is a path to learning ourselves and learning to really feel life.

Our feelings are powerful.  When we haven’t dealt with them, they hang around and pop back up whenever we’re triggered.  One way that we learn to block these feelings is distracting ourselves.  Getting our mind going and dropping out of our bodies.  Think about it.  What does your right big toe feel like right now?  If you’re like most people, you didn’t have any idea until you stopped to feel into it.  Becoming embodied means feeling all the nuanced sensations across our skin and within us.  There’s so much to feel within our bodies in any moment that if we are able to really be present to it, we wouldn’t have much time or space for obsessions or stories.

Tantra is all about acceptance, on the deepest level you can imagine.  When we try to hold away feeling, we are rejecting it.  In rejecting something within us, we split ourselves.  We create a war inside, both the part that we identify with and the part that we reject clamoring for attention.  Rejecting things causes us to contract.  It blocks our energy and connection to the world.  Acceptance expands us, allowing us to feel free, to listen to ourselves and follow the subtle wisdom of our bodies.

The really beautiful thing about this is that acceptance is also the key to transformation.  When we reject a part of ourselves, we split it away from the part connected with our will and identity.  And we fight it.  In fighting, we make it stronger.  So we make it even harder to let go of that aspect of ourselves we don’t like.  By accepting it, by holding the hand of the hurting child inside, we make space for it to transform on its own.  And accepting it is all about letting it in, allowing ourselves to really feel it.

Sex is one of the most profound and sensual experiences that a human being can have.  That’s why tantra is often described and taught in terms of sexuality.  Two people come together in an explosion of feeling, an inner urge.  The mind can come in to try to control the situation, shape it somehow.  The practice of tantra helps us to learn how to let go of the mind again and just follow the energy.  We feel each grazing touch, swim in our body’s response to the sensation, take our time and allow the experience to flow naturally.

Sex is a great way to teach this because the sensations across our skin and the rising energy in our body are so powerful and present.  It’s a beautiful path to embodiment.  But you don’t stop there.  Tantra teaches us to bring that same level of awareness into your body at all times.  To make life a sensual experience.  And, in the process, we learn to hear our feelings when they come up, to process them in the moment instead of burying them so that they can surface later.  We learn how to relate from a more real and fulfilling place.

This has just been a short introduction to what tantra really is.  It shines a light on what I really do, what tantra massage is really all about.  In later articles, I’ll explore it further, going into how the practice can help you have more fulfilling relationships and the most amazing sex life you could possibly imagine.  Tune in next time for some more juicy tidbits.

In love and light, 


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Sep 032018

Did you know that not so long ago, the female orgasm was considered to be a myth?  Mostly by men, perhaps, but the culture of a century ago widely thought that sexual pleasure was a man’s world.  We’ve made a lot of progress since then (thank heaven!), but you can still see the echoes of this perspective in our cultural approach to sexuality.

Here’s one example: It’s not all that hard for a man to find a massage parlor offering a happy ending.  For women, it’s another matter entirely.  Have a look at this:


This is the journey of Karley Sciortino as she looks for a service that offers happy endings for women.  It’s brief, and lots of fun, so enjoy.  It also brings up some really good questions.  Why is it so hard, even in an urban sprawl like New York, to receive or even find a service that lets a woman experience orgasm on demand?  Why can’t we rock up and get an erotic massage and happy ending whenever we like?  Is it just that our culture accepts such things for men but frowns on them for women?  And if so, it’s time to put that antiquated attitude on the shelf.

Pleasure is not just a man’s world.  Both sexes have an equal right to sexuality, to sensuality and touch.  And we all love pleasure.  Sure, it’s no replacement for a relationship, but there’s nothing wrong – and a whole lot right – with being able to gift our bodies with sensual massage and regular orgasms.  It keeps us healthy and vital.  It keeps the whole of our bodies and beings alive.

And, for all those who think that women don’t want this kind of attention, or that they shouldn’t want it, it’s time to wake up.  We’re in the 21st century.  Let’s let go of our limits around sexuality.  Let’s move past the taboos that have kept us from exploring our sexual natures, kept us repressing our sensual sides.  Sex is healthy.  It feels good.  It brings more satisfaction, more life, and more excitement into our world.  All of us deserve regular sexy attention!

Well, here’s some good news, girls.  It doesn’t have to be that hard to find this service.  I’m proud to be a sexual pleasurist and sensual therapist.  I offer these services so that you can receive an erotic massage – and more! –when you feel like giving your body a treat.  I have a background in Tantra Massage, Sensual & Erotic Massage, Lomi Lomi Massage, Yoni Massage and even Bondassage for the more kink inclined.  Bottom line, I love to explore my own sexual nature, and to help others to explore theirs.  It would be a delight to give you a bit of delight.

So, if your body is ready for a bit of attention, if you’d like to feel some touch, some pleasure, and a delicious orgasm, reach out.  I’m here for you.

In love and light,


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Jul 012018

All too often, sex is taken as a serious matter. Time to perform, to follow the script and get the job done. No laughing matter there. But this is a bit of a shame. Sexual play can be a beautiful, spontaneous interaction, an opportunity to let our natural state of energy rise and fill our bodies and our senses. And laughter has much more in common with sex than you might think. Plus, bringing laughter into the bedroom can make your love life even better. Here are a few ways that laughter and sex are connected:

1.Laughter and sex both relax us and make us feel more comfortable. They help to drop the stress, to bring a more lighthearted feeling into the moment. Laughing can lift your mood and ease your mind, helping you to be present and embodied. Bringing laughter into your sensual play can help you to drop the anxiety, release thoughts of performance, and step into spontaneity.

This is just the beginning, though. Laughter actually makes us more attractive. Even a simple smile can bring our features to life, but a full belly laugh will drop our guard and let us shine. And laughter eases any awkwardness or discomfort that we feel, helping us to enjoy intimacy and sensual play more fully. Plus, laughter during sex can feel amazing. When a woman laughs with her man inside of her, her vaginal muscles will tighten and ripple, sending juicy sensations through both of you.

2. Both laughter and sex help you to stay healthy, in more ways than one. They both ramp up the immune system and raise the levels of antibodies in our bloodstream. Laugh regularly and you might find that you hardly ever have to deal with a cold or flu again. The same thing happens with sex. People who have regular sex have 30% higher levels of a key antibody – immunoglobin A – than those who don’t.

That’s not the only health benefit. Laughter and sex also help us to stay fit. You can burn 10 to 40 calories just by laughing for ten to 15 minutes. 15 minutes of sex will burn an average of 72 calories. Both engage the core muscles as well, the muscles responsible for overall strength and fitness.

3. Aside from the psychological benefits, sex and laughter both elevate our moods and heighten pleasure in physiological ways. Our brains are constantly changing and reshaping. Everything that we do helps to create neural pathways. Regular laughter or sex builds stronger pathways for the experience of pleasure and sensation, making it easier for us to feel good.

This is reflected in our hormonal levels as well. Both laughter and sex help to balance our hormones and up the levels of feel good hormones. Hormones related to stress, like adrenaline and cortisol, drop with both sex and laughter, while the pleasure hormone endorphin is released into the bloodstream. The overall effect is better health and more enjoyment on every level.

4. When we laugh, our bodies go through many of the same changes we experience during and after sex. First, we tap into a level of energy that helps to transform our entire state of being. We always carry around a reservoir of pleasure energy, but often it remains below the surface. With laughter and sex, this energy bubbles up and is released through breath, sound, and motion. Also, after a good laugh or some beautiful lovemaking, the body drops into a state of deeper relaxation. Our breathing slows, the body temperature drops, and we’re left with more ease and peace at a biological level.

These are just a few of the benefits of both laughter and sex. And, though we might have to choose our moments for some steamy sexual play, we can laugh just about anywhere. Have a great laugh, have a great life!

In love and light,


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May 012018

A Hens party is a once in a lifetime experience. It’s a time to celebrate sensuality and the beauty of the journey into marriage. So why not do something really unique? Why not give the bride to be and all of her friends an experience that will keep things exciting for all the years to come?

A Tantric Hens Party is the perfect solution. It’s an experience that pampers the lucky lady and her companions with a sensual and delicious atmosphere and showcases a live lingam massage. The hen will learn, in person, the time-honoured techniques of giving her man so much pleasure that he’ll be eager for more.

The lingam massage is an ancient tantric art, a powerful technique that explores the ways of pleasure, the touches, strokes, rhythms, and energy that create connection and bring passion to the highest levels. The Hen and her friends will see a demonstration of the power and pleasure of lingam massage on a live model. Then, they’ll have a chance to get hands-on – don’t worry ladies, not with the model – and master the skills themselves.

Setting the Scene

Setting up is as fun for me as it is for the ladies. They always have plenty of questions as I prepare the workshop area: Who am I? Who is the man with me? What are we going to be doing?

I love building up the anticipation, getting everyone really excited about what comes next. Before long, we’re ready to begin. I have the bride and her friends sit back as our live model lays on the table, and that’s where the evening really kicks off!

Why Use a Live Model?

Fun! Having a gorgeous man ready to receive your attentions and watching him brought to incredible heights of pleasure is one of the hottest things imaginable. But it’s more than that, too. By having a live model in our Hen’s workshop, we get to see the techniques in action. This is most delicious part of the night. We step out of the classroom and observe how each touch, stroke, and breath is received, how these sensations guide a man into ecstasy.

And to top it off, you won’t just be watching. You’ll be participating, having a chance to practice and refine these techniques so you can take them home with you and practice on your partner.

Three Techniques You’ll Learn

Let’s start with the massage! Every day our bodies are different. We feel different, both physically and emotionally. So, when giving your partner a massage, it’s important to explore where they are on that day and meet them in the sweet spot. One great technique for this is the Resilience Touch Technique.

The core of Resilience Touch is communication. When touching your partner, ask them how the touch feels. If it’s a bit too hard for them in that moment, just soften up a bit and ask again. Or, if they’re wanting the touch to be a bit firmer, they’ll let you know that as well. Keep asking and making adjustments until you find the touch that your partner enjoys most.

One beautiful thing about Resilience Touch is that when you’re really present with your partner in the moment, conscious of the touch you share, your lover can feel it. It takes the massage to the next level.

Now let’s get a bit spicier! Here are two beautiful techniques for the Lingam massage:

Making Fire

Place your hands on either side of the shaft and move your hands as if you were trying to make fire. Start at the bottom, working your way up and back down again. Change up the sensation by applying more or less pressure or by moving your hands faster or slower. You can bring in a subtle new sensation by blowing on the lingam. Your breath will feel cool from far away and warm from closer.

North, East South and West

Imagine that north is towards the head, east is to your right, south is towards the feet, and west is to your left. In this technique, the strokes move from the base of the shaft to the head. First, stroke the lingam in the northern direction three times. Then, place the lingam facing east and stroke in the eastern direction three times. Keep going around the compass until you’ve covered all the directions.

What Your Hens Will Take Home from This Experience

A Tantra Hen’s Party is exciting, sensual, and educational. It’s a chance to learn a powerful feminine wisdom that will bring more excitement and connection into your relationship.

The best thing is that once the night is over, the fun is just beginning! You will want to explore these new skills with your partner at home, deepening the sensuality, pleasure, and intensity of your love life.

The Hen also receives a beautiful starter kit to begin her tantric journey with her partner, soon to be husband.

With these skills on hand, each moment you share with your lover will be juicier and more passionate than the last.

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Mar 012018

I have something exciting and delicious to share with you.  I have been a facilitator and therapist for some time now, helping my clients explore feeling and open to their sensuality, sharing intimacy and touch to offer a profound healing experience.  And yet, none of this prepared me to experience it from the other side.

I finally gave myself a long-anticipated gift, something that had been rolling around my mind for a while, evoking equal parts of excitement and hesitation.  I hired an escort.  I paid for sex, but not just for sex.  For touch and intimacy, for the opportunity to surrender to the experience and enjoy being led, rather than leading the way.  This was an opportunity for me to reconnect with myself, to take some time out, and simply be held in a sensual space.

On another level, I made the decision to hire an escort so I could feel what it was like to switch roles, to be the client instead of the facilitator.  I believe that we can’t truly understand an experience unless we feel it from within.  In being the client, I could better understand how my own clients feel when they come to me.  When they make a decision to find the right person to offer sensual healing touch, when they show up for a session, not knowing what was about to happen, full of all the conflicting emotions that come in with new experiences, especially when these experiences ask us to open up and be vulnerable, to let go and drop in.

For me, the journey began before the session was even booked.  I explored my options online, looked through the sites until I found someone that felt right.  Even then, I felt threads of uncertainty and hesitation drop in.  This was something I’d been wanting to explore for some time, and I wanted to gift myself with the best experience possible.  So, I decided to go with a high-priced male escort, one whose profile and image spoke to me, one that really felt like a yes.  Even so, I found myself wondering as I was looking at the pictures on the site.  Were they real, genuine?  I had some pretty high expectations, and alongside these expectations, I found some doubt creeping in.

Once I’d made a decision, I started the process of booking my appointment.  I sent an email to the escort – let’s call him Jason – and he responded quickly.  Seeing it from the client’s side, I realised how important it was to me that he be present, even in the communications before the session was booked.  Jason was holding space for the experience from our first email.  We texted afterwards to confirm the date, and then the decision was made.  No going back now.

In the days and hours leading up to our date, I had some interesting feelings drop in.  After working professionally with so many clients, I never expected to feel nervous or self-conscious when receiving my own session.  Despite all that, I did.  Especially in the hours right before Jason arrived, I felt anxiousness rise up.  There was excitement, too, but that kind of nervous excitement that happens when you’re on the first date or leading up to that first kiss.

At one point, I was so nervous, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.  Along with this flood of feeling came a slew of thoughts: Would he like me?  What sort of first impressions would I make?  Would we even connect? What would he smell like?  It’s hard to know how you’ll feel about someone when you’ve never met in person.  I was self-conscious, and I was beginning to doubt myself.  This whirlwind of thoughts and feelings threatened to really take me off-centre.

I’ve seen this in so many of my clients.  It’s not unusual to be nervous before the session begins, but it was different for me to be able to see this from the other side.  I took a breath, lit some incense to calm my nerves.  I even did a few deep breathing exercises to ground and bring myself back into my body, back into the present.  And, by the time Jason arrived, I was ready to invite him into my home.

First impressions: handsome, young, and fit.  Jason had an easy way about him that let me relax into the connection, and as we spoke, I found that he was funny, witty, well-spoken, and honest.  He had all the qualities of an outstanding escort, everything that I had hoped for and more.  Gradually, my nervousness slipped away, and I found that I was really enjoying the interaction.

I paid Jason before we began the session, and then we just spoke for a while – perhaps a half-hour.  Before we even moved into touch, I felt completely at ease, nothing rushed, nothing awkward.  And when we did enter that space, it was graceful, comfortable.  At first, my facilitator side popped up, wanting to guide and control the experience.  But, I pulled back, let go, and allowed Jason to lead the way.  And this was beautiful for me to see as well, how challenging it can be to really surrender, and how incredible it can be to be held in such a delicious, vulnerable space.

My attention was drawn in to the touch, my body opened, and I had a juicy, sensual encounter.  On a personal level, I had a delightful indulgence, a gift to myself that I won’t be forgetting any time soon.  And, on a professional level, I was able to experience aspects of being a client that I would never have understood without feeling it from the inside.

We all need touch and intimacy in our lives.  We need simple touch, hugging, and massage, as well as those deeper and sexier forms of touch that we can share with a trusted partner.  These experiences make us feel more alive and vital, they brighten our world and make us healthier, in mind, body, and soul.  Each of us needs an opportunity to indulge ourselves, to surrender control and drop into our bodies, into the pleasure of the moment.

After my date with Jason, I feel sexier, more confident, and more alive.  Although I knew that this was what I offer clients, it’s different to truly feel it, to know it from the side of the receiver.  And in really feeling it, I better understand what my clients need and desire, what they are going through when they come to me for a session.  I also have a deeper sense of softness and compassion for those clients who come to me nervous.  I really get it.

Jason offered me a truly wonderful experience, and it is one that I can whole-heartedly recommend to anyone that wishes to explore themselves, their intimacy and capacity for connection.  Thank you, Jason.  This was something that I had waited for, and it was worth the wait.

In love and light,


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Jan 012018

It’s the beginning of a New Year, a beautiful time to take stock of what we’re doing to keep ourselves healthy, vital, and alive to all the juiciness we can experience.  So, I thought it would be a perfect time to offer a reminder of one of the most delicious things we can do to keep the body fit, the mind active, and life as exciting as possible.

Any guesses?

You got it!  A healthy sex life offers more than just heightened intimacy and delicious pleasure.  We are whole beings, and every aspect of our lives is connected to every other.  Sex feels good.  And it offers huge benefits for both mind and body, not to mention for our emotional and social wellbeing.  Here are just a few:

1. Sex is great for the heart

Sure, this tracks on the level of intimacy and heart-based connection, but sex itself also has great health benefits for the heart and circulatory system.  It can lower blood pressure, strengthen the heart, and may reduce the risk of heart attack and stroke.

2. A healthy sex life boosts the immune system

Regular sex can raise your levels of antibodies and improve your general resistance to illness.  Added to the purely physical benefits is the fact that having regular sex improves sleep and lowers stress and anxiety.  When we’re less stressed and sleeping well, our immune systems work better.

3. Sex lowers stress levels

I know this was touched upon in the last point, but it’s worth mentioning again.  Stress wreaks havoc on our bodies and minds.  Hypertension is a major contributor to heart disease.  It can lower our energy levels, make it hard to sleep, and cause headaches and migraines among countless other health challenges.  Having regular sex is one of the best ways to counter these and bring body and mind to a healthy balance.

4. Sex increases libido

That’s right!  Having regular sex increases both sexual desire and capacity.  For women, sex lubricates the vagina and increases both elasticity and blood flow.  For both men and women, a healthy sex life can help orgasms to feel better and become more intense as well as making it more possible to have multiple orgasms.  Self-pleasuring is every bit as healthy as sex with a partner.  It increases our knowledge of our own body, boosts confidence and self-image, and enhances sex between partners.

5. A healthy sex life has amazing benefits for mental and emotional health

Some of the most obvious benefits are increased confidence and happiness.  And, it may not be a surprise to hear that regular sex is a key to intimacy, trust, and love in your relationship.  The benefits go further than that, though.  Staying sexually active in your later years can increase memory and mental acuity.  Plus, it ups our emotional intelligence, increasing our capacity to perceive, identify, and express our emotions.  Revving up the juices regularly can actually make you smarter in the ways that mater most.  How about that?

Once again, these are just a few of the benefits.  The list goes on.  For men, sex can increase lifespan and lower the risk of prostate cancer.  Plus, the health and quality of sperm can actually improve with increased sexual activity.  For women, orgasms increase blood flow and strengthen the pelvic muscles.  This can improve bladder control and relieve cramps, improve fertility, and even protect against endometriosis.

A healthy sex life means a healthy mind and body.  And with that in mind, how can the New Year be an opportunity to live the healthiest and most exquisite life possible?  I’ll leave you to get creative with that one.

Love and light,


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Dec 012017

It’s that time again!  Another year has slid by like a whirlwind.  Another year of growth and change, intimate exploration and delicious juiciness.  So, it’s time for a little reflection.

How has the year been for you?  Have you taken the time to get a little adventurous?  To play out some fantasies and explore your boundaries in a safe and loving space?

This time of year is great to look back upon all the ways that we’ve allowed ourselves to grow, and all the things we would really like to do if we give ourselves the time and space to do so.  Plus, it’s time for stocking stuffers!  Toys aren’t just for kids.  We can get a little daring and pick up some beautiful adult toys for ourselves and our loved ones.  Time for a little bounding and bouncing, making the silly season all it can be.

So, what would you really like to experience?  What would you really like to share?  The year’s not quite over yet, and there’s still time if you’d like to make the most of the moment.  So, once you’ve got the stockings stuffed and the holiday plans sorted out – maybe even before then if you’re really adventurous – you can take the time to arrange a little intimate time with that special someone.  After all, there’s no time like the present, and this season is all about presents.

What is the most exciting toy you can think of?  What is the most daring and delicious sexual adventure you can imagine?  Do you really want to wait until your New Year’s resolutions to bring that into your experience?  How much juiciness can you bring into this season?

Go for it!  Get online and pick up some yummy gifts.  And set the scene so that you can get an early holiday celebration going, bringing some delicious times into your bedroom and your relationship.

I know that next year will be huge for me, chock full of travel and new offerings in my work.  And I’m loving this new energy that’s coming in.  It seems like each new year brings more opportunities to share intimacy and growth on ever deeper levels.  Plus, the ever-present challenge to stay in the flow of life and move with the winds of change.  Another year to explore the depths of my being and share delight with friends, loved ones, and clients.  A time to be jolly and bright, full of the delight that life has to offer.

So, I’d like to wish you all the most indulgent Christmas season imaginable.  And a glorious New Year to follow.  Life is the greatest present of all, so it’s time to live it for all that it’s worth.  Remember your blessings, and above all, have fun.

Love and light

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Nov 012017

How do you like your pubes?  Smooth and hairless, or wild and free?  Or perhaps a tasteful trim, a runway or delicate triangle?

When it comes down it, there’s no right or wrong answer.  It’s a personal choice, and personal preferences should be the first and last issues in our decision.  And yet, so often our personal choices are affected by public opinion.

Personal grooming habits have been decisively influenced by social opinion for years.  Our current obsession with hairlessness is an accident of history, an attitude that came into vogue throughout the last half a millennium.  But what does it mean?

Pubic hair begins to grow when we reach maturity.  It’s tangible evidence of our capacity to procreate, to create life.  Our recent obsession with hairlessness is a reflection of a desire to separate sex from procreation.  It’s a symbol of sexuality without connection, evidence of our readiness to engage in the sexual act without meaning or true union.  It has been popularised by the cultural obsession with bikini lines and the porn industry.  This influence has been so powerful in the mind of the public that generations of young women have been made to feel insecure about the natural function of their bodies.  And it doesn’t stop with women.  The metrosexual movement has brought the hairless look into the mainstream for men as well.

Personal grooming is a choice.  Just look at the words themselves.  It is personal.  If a woman enjoys keeping herself clean-shaven or trimming her bush into a carefully-maintained womanscape, then it should be her choice, 100%.  If a man likes to artfully trim his pubes or remove them completely, the same applies.  At the same time, why?  Should we feel pressured to endure the agony of waxing or the inconveniences of shaving simply because public opinion portrays this as desirable?

When it comes down to it, the hairless vulva is neither more hygienic nor sexier.  And for the men, the complete removal of body hair can offer a smooth, sleek appearance.  At the same time, you may prefer an artful trim or the wild and virile appearance of untrimmed pubic hair.  Our personal choices should be based upon our own desires, rather than those of mass opinion, especially a mass opinion that has been shaped by media, social opinion, and the porn industry.  

What do you like?  How do you like to feel?

If you’ve met the right person, then they will love every aspect of your being and your body.  From your body hair to your attitude.  The right person will love you for who you are.  Regardless of any images which the media has conditioned into us about what sexuality is supposed to be.

Is it worth it to endure the pain of Brazilian waxes or the challenges of shaving simply to maintain an image of the prepubescent virgin?  Or would you prefer to display your body in all its natural beauty, unmodified by razors, wax, or other depilatory devices?  There’s no right answer here.  The hairless vulva is beautiful, revealing the sexuality of woman in all its glory.  And, at the same time, the full bush is beautiful, showing woman in all her power, alive to her potential as a creative, alive being.  With men, sporting a bit of pubic hair can be a sign of masculinity, something that shows, without words, that your lover is with a man rather than a child.

The key is to take your power back.  Your body is your domain, your sacred space.  How would you like to arrange your kingdom?  And why do you make the choices you do?  Are these choices about catering to the image of the masses, or do they serve your needs as an individual?

You are empowered and alive.  You can shape your body and your body hair as you choose.  What do you really want?  The right person will love you for your choice, and not despite it.

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Sep 012017

I want a man with a slow hand,
I want a lover with an easy touch,
I want somebody who will spend some time,
Not come and go in a heated rush,
I want somebody who will understand,
When it comes to love, I want a slow hand.
The Pointer Sisters – Slow Hand 1981

The Pointer Sisters might not have known about tantra, but they understood its essence. Tantra is an art of intimacy and connection. It touches upon the rawest and most fundamental aspects of our being. Our body. Our nerves. Our feelings and emotions. These aspects of our being touch our very core. Tantra is true intimacy, and to be truly intimate, we have to slow down, be still, and tune in to the deliberate, surging rhythms of the body and sensuality.

Many of us have learned to be unconscious in our sexuality. We touch, but the touch comes from the mind. We make love, but all too often it is a headlong rush to orgasm. But the potential is so much more. Our touch can awaken the senses, sending rippling sensations all through our lover. Our hands can stroke, caress, hold, and communicate. Our touch can stimulate, calm, communicate affection, inspire sensuality, or move our lover to arousal. It offers communication on a level far deeper than words.

The skin is our largest organ, filled with millions of nerve fibers and exquisitely responsive to touch. Touching our lover can soothe their anxiety, improve their mood, and chase their troubles away. Every inch of our body is an erogenous zone. It is a sensual playground which can be touched, tapped, caressed, stroked, tickled, and squeezed. Each type of touch offers its own sensation. Giving the whole body attention stimulates and enlivens the nerves, arousing and delighting in a way that you can’t experience when focusing your attention solely on the breasts and genitals.

When touching your lover, explore their body from head to toe. Be present and mindful. Consider your intention. Are you intending to arouse? To calm? To relieve tension? Your lover receives your intentions with your touch, hearing your communication louder and more clearly than can be shared with a thousand words.

Mindful touch actually changes our brains over time. It helps to develop our prefrontal cortex, the part of our brains associated with empathy, intuition, and impulse control. It is extremely powerful, a way to heal others on a deep level and awaken the senses. Mindful touch can relax the body and release blocked energy. It can increase awareness and invite a healing experience for the entire body. Touch with consciousness awakens the senses to allow ripples of ecstasy to flow through the body.

The entire body has the potential to be erogenous, every inch capable of receiving delicious orgasmic sensation. As you touch your lover, visualise your intention. Allow that energy to radiate from your fingertips. Whether it is for massage or for connection, let the energy of your intention be delivered through the silent communication of contact. The message delivered is physical and electric, able to express love, tenderness, and warmth without a word. Use your imagination and make your sensual play a theatre of touch, exploring your lover from head to toe, revelling in the beauty of their being.

Sensual touch, slow, conscious connection, is an amazing way to deepen intimacy. It can shine the light on your sexual nature, and that of your partner, exploring undiscovered realms of sensuality and deepening the relationship in unsuspected ways. This isn’t a matter of technique, but of really being there when you touch, of bringing your whole self to the moment of contact. This is sensual, rather than sexual, focusing on feeling every sensation rather than trying to rush to the moment of orgasm.
Here are some tips to help you explore the world of sensual touch further:

1. Take your time

Real intimacy isn’t rushed. It isn’t for quickies, for rushed moments fit in between other activities or responsibilities. Sensual touch is subtle, slow, and delicious. Clear the calendar. Take the time to really be there. When you take your time, you can explore every inch of your lover’s body and give time for the pleasure to build to exquisite heights.

2. Get grounded

Your touch is an energetic communication. Everything you have inside of you comes across with your contact. When moving into a sensual realm with your lover, clear your mind. Let go of what you might have to do in an hour, tomorrow, next week. Let go of anything other than where you are right now, than the beauty of your partner before. You may wish to exercise or do a bit of yoga first. The real key is to get grounded and present, to let go of anything that pulls your attention away from the moment.

3. Comfort is key

If you really want to tune into feeling, you have to be comfortable and able to relax. You may want to start by taking a bath or a walk, making space to allow your partner to let the stress flow away and tune in to the sensations of the body. Find out what makes your lover comfortable and make that happen. Take some time apart from the hectic pace of everyday life and make your sensual play an event that you can share.

4. Mood is everything

Ambience creates the mood. Soft lighting, pleasant temperature, consider every aspect of the sensual experience. Every sense is a gateway to pleasure. Bring in a bit of music, something exciting, soothing, and yet not distracting. Create an atmosphere that allows you both to relax and focus on the moment.

5. No looking!

Our minds and eyes go together. That means that mental experiences are often focused on the visual. When we close our eyes, this focuses our attention on sensation, on feeling, sound, smell, all of the senses neglected in daily life. This offers potential for a truly sensual experience. You may want to offer your partner a blindfold, something to let go of the need to see and move more fully into the realm of feeling.

6. Explore the whole body

Look at your lover. See all of them, from head to toe. Take them in with your eyes. See every gorgeous inch, bringing your eyes from their feel to their head. Let go of any critical impulses. Connect with your sense of appreciation for your partner. Tune in to where they are right now. How are they holding themselves? Are there any points of tension? Tune in to what really turns you on about your lover. See them, fully and completely.

7. Tell them what you love about them

Communication is the sexiest thing we can do. Tell your lover what you love about them. Mention the parts of their body or their being that turn you on. Let them know how you really feel. It’s amazingly arousing to be seen and to be appreciated, just as we are. Bring the enjoyment coming from your exploration of your lover’s body to your lips and share it with them.

8. Begin touching

Where do your hands want to go? What part of your lover’s body is calling for your attention? Let your hands go where they want to go, touching as lightly as possible at first. This is like a tactile whisper. Just graze your partner’s skin, sliding across their body. This is exciting, stimulating, encouraging your lover to want to feel more. Subtlety is key now. Keep this going for as long as you can, building your lover’s anticipation.

9. Pay attention

How does your partner respond to your touch? How does it feel for them? Notice the noises they make, how they move as they receive your attention. Notice the expressions on their face. Their breath. Your lover will let you know what feels good for them, what they like. Notice how the contact feels for you. What does their skin feel like? What does it feel like from within to touch your lover? Keep tuned in to the subtle feelings as you offer your partner sensation.

10. What are you touching with?

Fingertips? Back of the Hand? Side of the wrist? Each part of your body offers different sensations. Explore this. How does the sensation change for you when you touch your lover with different parts of your body? How does your lover feel it? Pay attention. You will find all sorts of beautiful variations in intensity and sensation.

11. How are you touching?

Caress. Massage. Squeeze. Tickle. Stroke. Press. Tap. How many different kinds of touch can you imagine? Every single one offers its own distinct sensation. Each one communicates something different. Speak to your lover with your touch, saying exactly what you want to say in the moment. Let your contact be sensual poetry.

12. Play the intensity

We all love a bit of variety. It’s hardwired. We love the sensations and experiences to shift from one moment to the next. Change it up from a soft stroke to a more vigorous contact. Make the transitions so slow that your lover doesn’t even realise that the change is happening.

13. Deepen into the journey of touch

The key is to start slow, but that’s just the start. Here’s where we can finally begin to get hot and heavy. Bring both hands into play, use your legs, feet, lips, anything you’ve got into play in connecting with your lover. There’s no one way to do this. Feel the energy and the moment. Follow where it leads.

There’s no manual for true intimacy, but if you follow these tips, you are sure to have a deeper and more delightful connection with your lover.

Just remember that your energy level is important. Your touch is wordless communication.
Whatever you feel will be felt by your lover. This is about real feeling, rather than orgasm. Be present to the sensations of the moment.

Make your partner’s experience central to your intentions, and you will be amazed at the heights of pleasure you can reach.

Light and blessings

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