Hands up if you just want to get your lovemaking over with as soon as possible. You know, rip some clothes off, orgasm as quickly as you can, then dust off and do something else.
What, no one?
Ok, so that’s not surprising. Sex is one of the greatest joys of life. When it comes to something that good, you don’t want to rush it. And yet, that’s what happens all too often. A statistic I looked at a while back claimed that from entry to orgasm, a man will last on average 5.4 minutes. It’s over by the time things start to get really good!
If this strikes a chord, don’t despair. With a simple tip and a bit of practice, anyone can make their lovemaking last longer. All it takes is slowing down and learning a bit more about your body, and sex can become more rewarding, more pleasurable, and infinitely more satisfying for both of you. And the key here is edging.
For many people, intimate play becomes a headlong rush to orgasm. The excitement rises, clothes come off, and then before you know it, it’s over. And, all too often, one person is less satisfied than the other.
But what happens when you slow down? If you take your time and let the sensations build up, get almost to the point where you can’t hold back any longer – and then slow back down. Again and again, each time bringing you a little closer to the point of no return…
This is the practice of edging. It teaches you orgasm control, to build up almost to the peak, and then pull back, relaxing away from the orgasm. The energy builds up, then ebbs off, but only a bit. Slowly, after doing this a few times, the sexual energy builds to levels you can’t even imagine. And. When you finally let yourself pass the point, you explode with a more exquisite orgasm than you can achieve any other way. Like a toe-curling, body-shaking, forget-where-you-are kind of explosion.
One of the great things about edging is that it can give a man much greater control over their orgasms. It will help him too slow down, to listen to his own body’s signals and those of his lover. Instead of being a (brief) athletic performance, lovemaking transforms into a sensual, intimate experience. Benefits: stronger sex drive, more orgasm control, more fulfilling sexual experiences, and possible multiple orgasms. How can you beat that?
This isn’t just for men, though. Women who practice edging enjoy the same enhancement of sexual experience and unbelievable heightening of pleasure. Edging deepens the state of arousal and can even put you in a state of euphoria and altered consciousness when sensations peak. In fact, edging for both men and women, is a beautiful way to move into a study of tantra.
So what is tantra, anyway?
If you’ve been reading my articles for a while, you probably already have a pretty strong understanding of it. But, for those just tuning in, tantra is a practice that helps us to explore our sexual energy. It’s about listening to our body and our feelings, learning how to tune in to our sexual energy, feel it, build it, and channel it through our body. It’s not just about sex, either, as this same energy can be used to support creative pursuits, to tap into more joy and a deeper quality of life, and generally to step into a more empowered way of living. Tantra is about being conscious of what we’re feeling, and allowing the body and the feelings to guide us.
In tantric sex, we practice feeling the energy as it rises, allowing it to fill the entire body instead of being confined to the genitals. We practice moving slowly, organically, connected to our lover and following the dance of our shared energies instead of chasing a particular outcome. We also learn to connect with the breath, keeping present and embodied with mindful breathing, syncing our breathing with our lover so that we tune in to the same station, the same steps of the dance.
Tantra is a practice. Not something that you learn, and then it’s done. Each time you step into some sensual play with your lover, you have an opportunity to deepen your connection with your own body and that of your partner. Edging is a beautiful way to slow down. It forces you to get in the body and pay attention to the sensations as they come. And when you practice with your lover, you can get to the point where you are moving as one, allowing the energy to rise and fall together. This will take some practice, but the great thing is that each time you make love can be better than the last.
As with anything, don’t take my word for it. Try it out with your lover and see how it feels. Slow down and tune in, follow the feelings. Breathe with your partner. Bring it right to the edge, and then back down. Breathe the energy through the entire body and through the heart. Build again, and again…
Have fun, lovelies.